Showing posts with label fees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fees. Show all posts

Friday, October 14, 2016

We need Free Education now - or we are all screwed

The Issue of Free Education has swept like a blaze - both literally and figuratively - across our nation's campuses. Citing the high cost of education in South Africa, students have taken to the streets with placards to demand that universities be open and free - but these protests often spark riotous outburst, shocking violence, and massive damage to our tertiary institutes. Here, Guest Writer Johan Van Eksteen puts forward a powerful and unconventional argument in favour of delivering every single one of the protesters demands. We think you'll agree.

The past few months on South African campuses have been tumultuous indeed. From Wits and UKZN to Rhodes and UCT, students have flocked en masse to the streets and lecture halls, demanding one simple thing: Free Education.

And yet, many of you (my Dear Readers) are vehemently opposed to this! You flock to social media and huddle in your racist echo chambers muttering trite things about the economy and having meaningless discussions about things as trivial as “long-term sustainability”, “limited funding” and “where the hell is this massive amount of money going to come from?”

However, my dear friends, I believe that there is a very powerful case to be made for universal, free and open tertiary education. It’s not even a case of “can we even do it without destroying our economy”; it’s a case of we must do it ASAP.

Not to address the historical inequalities of our country or deliver on the vague promises of ’94, ’07, ’09 and ’13. Not to restore dignity and parity and to give the poorest an opportunity to improve their lives. And no, not even to create an educated, progressive society that will one day contribute heavily in graduation tax and higher personal taxes (à la Denmark et Germany et Sweden et al) to others who want to benefit from the same free education they did.

No. We need to give them free education because, if we don’t, we are all fucked.

Ask yourself, which is more important: not having to pay an extra 15% tax in your business and personal declarations, or bringing enlightenment and critical thinking to someone who has such a puerile, myopic understanding of the economy, budgetary limitations, and finances?

How can you look at campuses - at the burning Jammie buses, the torched buses at Wits, the charred husks of cars at UKZN – and not see that these people need to read a fucking book as quickly as possible? How can you stand there and watch works of art being piled up and incinerated at UCT, read reports of staff, admin and VCs being harassed and held hostage, and browse photos of law libraries, coffee shops, theatres, and IT buildings being burned to the ground, and not realise that we need to get some fucking knowledge into their brains as soon as is humanly feasible?


How do you – Dear Reader – sit there in your mansions of privilege and greed watching Youtube videos showing protestors expelling parents and stakeholders from meetings because of their race - and NOT recognise the need for free, great education for these screaming buffoons?

Time and time again, illegal, illogical or infeasible demands are made by protestors, asking for free food and accommodation, asking that we abandon Western scientific disciplines, or demanding university staff be forced to donate their salaries or that landlords be forced to rent out their properties at a controlled amount, and you want to remain totally blind to the desperate need this country has for education?

How can you sit there on social media, scrolling past the contempt for and silencing of student media on campuses, the pages and pages of cult-like misinformation, propaganda, fear-mongering and hateful paranoia, not once think “I should be there, on the frontline, fighting to get these kids into the best classroom in the world!”?

Of course, it’s so, so easy for you to retort, “But where will the money come from?” This just shows you all the propaganda you’ve been swallowing.

This protest is being led by some of the finest financial and economic minds of our time. There are hundreds of MA and PhD students in those masses, making informed, rational suggestions. Since day one, there has been a clear and reasonable plan to show where all the billions of rand a year will come from – you just haven’t read it because you’re a racist.

Firstly, we’ll increase taxes by 15%. You know, above the tax increments already outlined in the National Budget '17/'18. It’s not like businesses will respond to this by putting up their prices of basic goods and services, thus negating the increases.

We’ll double the National Budget spending on education, up all the way to 100%. The national budget only pays for stupid things anyway, like the military. It’s not as if our national coffers are put towards Public healthcare, grants and welfare, or social services.

Besides this, we’ve all seen the damning financial documents from Rhodes. Not only will providing free internet, free food, free transport, free accommodation, a team of hundreds of admin staff and lecturers, and access to international academic platforms and libraries cost absolutely nothing, but all universities have literally trillions of Rands just lying around.

In any case, you have to ask yourself this frightening thought: what happens if we don’t give them the education they want so badly?

With just a shitty Matric and no other meaningful qualifications (coupled with irrationality and anger) they could easily become a policeman, or a Member of Parliament, or hell, the next President of South Africa. If you think they’re dangerous and destructive now, just imagine them with powers of law, or control over the financial reserves, or responsibility for the running of the country!!!

Next time you’re about to criticise this student movement, just take a moment to look across that crowd and ask yourself: “Do I want one of these people to be the next Hlaudi, the next Motshekga, the next Bheki Cele, or – god forbid – another Jacob Zuma?!”.

We need free education now, or we are all screwed.


Johan is a guest columnist at Muse and Abuse. Widely renowned for his non-nonsense approach to controversial topics, Johan shines a blinding light of truth on subjects like the hideous scourge of immigration, why white people should vote ANC, why Blackface isn't the real racist problem in SA, and how Black Privilege is an ugly truth that no one wants to admit. He also thinks gay marriage should have been outlawed years ago.

Friday, April 8, 2016

LAXAppeal: why 197SAX is a failure

I have mulled over writing this piece – a critical review of the infamous University of Cape Town annual rag, SAXAppeal, and its place in the South African sphere of satire – for some time now. Alas, events conspired against me (the digital version was only made available online for download two weeks after print, so tough shit if you live outside of Cape Town; and it would seem my email to the SAXAppeal editor has been unanswered for weeks now – meaning that this entire controversy was irrelevant and dated by the time it reached me in Hermanus) and so it went unwritten – until I stumbled across older copies of the satirical publication in a coffee shop.

Reading previous editions and this latest one (entitled 197SAX) and seeing the glaring, stunning disparities between them made me change my mind. After all, it’s no secret to readers of this blog and those who know me that I have deep, deep love of the artform: satire has the power to shine a light on ridiculous topics and subjects in a way that traditional media or critiques cannot; unburdened by ‘factuality’, honed with wit and steeped in irony, the biting, scathing tone of satirical ‘journalism’ is what makes people like John Oliver and Charlie Brooker respected less as comedians and more as purveyors of quality reportage that not even ‘real’ newspapers can compete with.

SELLING SAX

For those of you who don’t live in a place where work starts at 9am, every year students at the University of Cape Town dress up (or down) and take to the streets of the Mother City to sell SAXAppeal, a satirical, humourous Uni rag that contains a variety of pieces – both funny and critical – that shed light and levity on student life.

This year, however, it would seem that a fit of puritan progressive wrath has swept through the editorial team: decrying their history as “problematic”, “sexist” and “elitist”, this year’s production has focused (almost entirely, but we’ll get to that in a bit) on serious pieces aimed at “a new narrative…. to amplify the voice of the students… pushing boundaries and challenging the status quo.” In a single word – stamped incessantly in bold, scary red through its pages – they’re looking for “controversy”.

“Today, when people think of SAX Appeal, they think of drunk, scantily-clad students selling an equally explicit magazine. A magazine that has been filled with blatant misogyny, racism and discriminatory statements, a magazine created by an overwhelmingly white editorial team, a magazine with no meaning or substance.”

And by throwing the baby out with the bathwater, controversy is what they’ve found.

BUT IS IT SATIRE?

Sitting in that coffee shop, paging through old editions of the ‘zine, it suddenly struck me how very much SAXAppeal had changed. The contrast is stark: a side-by-side comparison with any of the editions pre-2016 (or should that be ‘pre-woke’?) shows quite clearly how this fundamental shift in editorial vision has changed the publication.

Where before I could expect funny and unapologetic illustrations and articles that took on topics as varied as space, sex, sport, religion, homophobia, and how to use a condom, the latest pages are stripped bare of anything resembling satire. In the over 100 pages of content that the 197SAX brought me, I’d say that maybe 8 articles or images echoed the self-aware, self-deprecating humour of the previous writers.

The definition of satire is not, of course, fixed. While it is intended to be humourous, the main aim is social criticism – but a key marker of any satire is irony. Sarcasm, exaggeration, comparison, analogy, and a whole host of other tactics can be deployed, but the key here is that there exists some kind of an irony between the writing and the subject matter.

The most historic examples of the genre, like ”Johnathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal show that a biting, dark irony in the writing is what drives the art and how powerful it can be.

And yet it is this core idea that is sorely missing from the pages. Instead, a croaky, dry, humourless husk of “political correctness” (the mot du jour bandied about by critics on social media) is what greets you: but worse yet, this Politically Correct don’t-wanna-offend-anyone mantra has pervaded the publication to the point where the satire and jokes are explained or countered with disclaimers, author’s asides or outright explanations of why they’re just joking and we shouldn’t take it seriously.

“But maybe that’s the point?” I asked myself. “Maybe their shift in vision is aimed at introducing critical thinking and serious reflection into the student body? Maybe giving up laughter is the price we pay for a more equitable society?”

And yet I can’t believe that, because as serious and reflective as the included pieces are, they, too, are treated with this opt-out mentality: right at the very beginning of the publication, in stark, BOLD letters, says:


“Or even the authors themselves.” If the new SAX wants to be like the politically-minded, outspoken older SAX, then why the spineless vacillation?

But before I generalise with brush strokes too broadly, I want to critically review the “satire” contained within.

ALLERGEN WARNING: CONTAINS SATIRE?


With titles like “Dear White Boys”, “White South Africans”, “Ableism” and “Your Forgotten Privilege”, you can guess that this year’s edition wasn’t exactly packed with light-hearted chuckles. But before you’ve even given a peek at an article, readers are treated to a Trigger Warning-esque disclaimer in glaring red giving us an ALLERGEN WARNING that this mag contains SATIRE, CRITICAL THOUGHT and CONTROVERSY. Immediately following is a glossary of terms that will get you up to speed with how much of a privileged, problematic asshole you are, and then finally, a lovely condescending piece explaining how to “read” SAX and her “satire”.

Well, undeterred, I checked my privilege thrice, said a dozen “Hail bell hooks” and dove right in. After all, I’ve seen satire used to amazing effect in subversive themes: Key and Peele, Dave Chapelle, and dozens of other comedians have used irony and humour to shed light on serious ideas and make you think about your beliefs. Excited to see how SAX would use this as a tool to educate and inform us on controversial ideas, I scrolled down.

But as a satirist, I was wholly disappointed. With only 8 too-short-but-sweet satirical pieces peppered intermittently between heavy pieces on race, gender and privilege, there isn’t much in here that justifies the huge SATIRE stamp they overuse. (There’s lots of passable slam poetry, if that’s your thing).

The first, The State of the Nation Address, is a strong piece of satire taking the perspective of President Zuma. It’s filled with hard-hitting irony and snarky, dark jokes such as “I congratulate Miners Shot Down on winning an International Emmy. Maybe one day South Africans will see it” and “I have once again focused exclusively on the interests of the middle class, and neglected the important issues of land redistribution, affordable quality education and inefficient service delivery. Maybe those issues will make it into next year’s speech.”

However, it’s only 22 pages later that we’re treated to a second helping. Ameera Conrad’s Dear White Boys uses the stereotypical Plumstead-living, Mumford and Sons-consuming White Boy to dig at the idea of privilege and prejudice relating to your skin colour. A White Boy myself, I’d have to admit that I was kind of disappointed: is this the worst my skin colour can earn me as a stereotype? I was thinking that my premature baldness, tiny dick and rich father giving me a small loan of a million dollars would have Trump’ed these relatively benign traits, but each to her own I guess.

But it is right here that we start to see the cracks appear in SAX, thanks to tensions between their editorial mandate of Attacking Prejudice and Privilege and SAX’s mission as a comedic outlet. If we should be less prejudiced and steer away from stereotypes, then how can they turn a blind eye to the jokes in this piece that Muslim boys are misogynist and that Black Boys only want to fuck white girls? While satire can be an effective weapon in combatting stereotypes and educating readers, I don’t believe that the goals of humourless PChood and SAX’s vision this year are at all compatible. Satire *is* problematic. And that’s exactly what makes it so powerful and entertaining.

MAY CONTAIN TRACES – BUT ONLY TRACES - OF SATIRE

A few pages later, we’re treated to the shining example of the entire magazine: Pierre de Vos’s delightful, cheeky, self-deprecating and moving column looks back on the irony of learning under violent figures (“a torturer and a murderer”) from South Africa’s colonial history, and the fact that these monuments still stand in their places of reverence today. It’s a great piece that reveals how 197SAX’s vision could have been fulfilled without ditching the old humour and sharp writing.

But straight after that, we are shown how the goals of new leadership and the paper’s old identity do not gel. The next piece, a board game parody entitled MeNOPOLY, is a scathing indictment of the ANC’s actions and betrayal of their central tenets and vision. It acerbically pokes fun at how cronyism can infect a noble movement. But, again, in a quest not to offend, a clunky, awkward Disclaimer is tacked on, effectively making the joke completely redundant:

And this is 197SAX’s problem: that they’re afraid to commit to making a joke (even one that would otherwise perfectly meet their goals). In the next example, You’re Not That Liberal (Shannon Krausey, Nicole Dunn and Mikhail Moosa), that favourite White Liberal stereotype is the centre of focus. But rather than letting the joke speak for itself – the irony that the beliefs of this stereotype are self-contradictory and ridiculous though parodic quotes – they stop mid-joke and explain why this brand of liberalism is left wanting.

This is a huge disappointment. These kinds of White Stereotypes have been done so, so well: from Hard Eddy’s Gaaide To Laaif, Anton Taylor’s Jozi Shore, The Wayan Brothers’ White Chicks, or our local Tiger’s Guide, it’s incredible that such a huge opportunity was squandered. Apart from failing to recognise that “liberal” is a description and not a prescription (it’s a No True Scotsman fallacy - you can show liberal values without being liberal – ie egalitarianism or libertarianism), the tone comes across as a bossy mom telling you why you aren’t good enough.

It’s also around the same time that 197SAX shows its one-dimensional flatness. The next satirical piece up is “White Tears”, and – you guessed it – it’s about white people. But rather than being purely satirical, it’s really just a bunch of things that people say that - depending on context – may or may not be worthy of ridicule. Had this been fleshed out more – Christ, has no one watched Safferland’s incredible Tiphany’s (with a pee-aych-why) Guide to Sandton Survival? – it could have been a fantastic and biting piece that dismantles and ridicules first-world problems.

And while Shesus* writes a rather splendid piece called Feminism and Christianity pt3, the power of her irony is again undone by the incessant use of SATIRE trigger warnings and editorial disclaimers stating that :

Finally, the last in a too-sparse offering of laughs, the “News25” parody. It’s probably as close as any of the pieces come to Poe’s Law, that extreme of “wait, is this a joke or actually real, I can’t tell” (you know, unless the entire 197SAX was some ultra-subversive Poe’s Law parody of MustFallism and the progressive left – in which case I’m fucking blown away, well bloody done, mate, you got me). I’m not sure if merely recreating the hateful slurs of News24 actually says anything clever about society, but hey, I love me a good Penny Sparrow reference. If I could, I would bus in a dozen more.

BUT MATT, YOU’VE MISSED THE POINT!

… I hear you cry. “This is about CRITICAL THINKING. Who cares if it’s CONTROVERSIAL? It’s just SATIRETRIGGERWARNING. You haven’t even spoken about the serious, hard-hitting content in the rest of the magazine!”

Well, I’ve thought about that, and quite frankly if 197SAX is a project aimed at serving marginalised voices and repoliticising the students, I would say it’s too filled with awkward contradictions and small hypocrisies to be called a success.

In its opening, it denigrates magazines like Cosmopolitan and Heat. I don’t disagree – I’ve never like them; but then, they’re not my aimed at my demographic. They aren’t written for me – and besides, attacking a publication and dismissing everything they publish as mindless or irrelevant is fallacious. It would be like me saying “don’t buy SAX, it’s fuckin’ garbage”. Content should be judged on its own merit, and not prejudiced by where it’s published.

Then we have the awkward space of cultural appropriation and “marginalisation of lived experience in sex workers” to deal with. The former comes around once a Halloween, but often those brandishing the tar and feathers forget that the very concept of Halloween – right down to the costumes, masks, trick or treating, and candy – was ALL ‘appropriated’ from various cultures and systems of belief, going all the way back to Paganism and Wiccan beliefs. The same goes for “Mexican” sombreros or dreadlocks : Sombreros originate from 13th century Spain, and are thought to have been brought across by the Mongols before that; dreadlocks appear in a variety of cultures, societies and religions across history. No culture is pure, and any culture that tries to exist in a vacuum withers and dies. Just look at the Afrikaans (if you’re feeling butthurt, just remember my surname).

The latter is slightly more jarring. One of SAX’s first articles, written by the erudite and ‘woke’ Caitlin Spring, Selling Sax, throws itself on the altar of next-level liberal ultra-correctness, likening the act of selling a magazine on the streets (if you’re scantily clad, that is) to a heinous act that mocks and spits on the mistreatment of sex workers.

Now, I’m not sure what kind of massive leap of the imagination it took to make this tenuous, ridiculous link, or the selective vision that ignores the massive body of counterexamples and themed dress-ups and says, “yes, every woman selling SAX in the past few years has been dressed like a prostitute”, but if woman wearing heels and short skirts is being attacked, then isn’t that policing what women can and can’t wear? How is this massive jarring dissonance – between their apparent beliefs about being ‘woke’ and their policing women’s bodies instead of attacking legislation and politicians – be accepted? How is this hypocrisy not self-damning?

And that’s not even taking into account some of her more ridiculous claims: “As long as some men rape, all men are potential rapists”. I’m not even going to justify that with a rebuttal, except to say she is stupid, so therefore I’m going to treat all women as potentially stupid. Let’s just hope a minority doesn’t commit a crime: that might make things racist up in here.

And what about Nigel Patel’s The Decolonial Sex Project? This so-called “intersectional intercourse over colonised cocks” states in no uncertain terms that “your Tinder preference for white people is racist” but ALSO that “when you fetishise bodies of colour you participate in… racist throwback”. So you’re racist either way, I guess.

Let’s not forget Nicole Dunn’s The Holy colonial Spirit, which argues that secularity and shunning Christianity is a necessary part of the project of decolonisation (I would agree, but I think that it’s a wood for the trees argument that still doesn’t evaluate the existence of a conventional Creator). Doesn’t this contradict Conrad’s earlier demand that “when you speak to Brown Girl, don’t say ‘you’re too educated to be religious?’”.

And what about Dan Corder’s claim in Dress to Oppress that Harry Potter, Star Wars and Game of Thrones are ‘not black enough’ and that you shouldn’t try to express your love of fictional characters through cosplay or dress-up parties because it’s so problematic. Add this to Jordan Pickering’s inflammatory white guilt and self-effacement through “if you’re a white South African, you are either a racist or you’ve joined the same lifelong recovery program” (White South Africans). No, fuck you very much Jordan, because I don’t make it a habit to casually smear an entire ethnic group.

Their hypocrisy is even more obvious when you consider that Spur – which they lambasted in their opening editorial as “People with a taste for Cultural Appropriation” – has an entire, full-page in this edition. They might say they don’t get to pick advertisers, but they must also understand that these things undermine their very message. It would be like me writing a damning article about tax evasion and my newspaper taking a full-page advert for Mossack Fonseca or Jimmy Carr’s upcoming comedy tour.

Indeed, their narrative is further undone where they employ weasel words and readily accepted ideas without a statistical basis. Merely writing that “classism, misogyny, and trans*-antagonism…. Is rife in our tertiary institutions” does not make it true, and while I’m not enough of an idiot to pretend they don’t exist on campuses (across the entire world) I’d never presume to state they’re a rampant, out-of-control scourge that unilaterally defines all higher education.

TOO MANY SHORTCOMINGS

As a political project, I would also say that 197SAX’s new mission has a dire lack of critical self-awareness. Much content – as it stated in their magazine – is sourced from the organisations this school of thought supports, such as several universities’ charters of FeesMustFall movements. Now, in and of itself, this isn’t a problem. But having been on the ground at the Rhodes University fees protests and seen some of the (to borrow a word) “Problematic” behaviour and attitudes of these organisations, I would say that a free platform to disseminate their views without the CRITICAL THINKING they’re so sure they practice is truly dangerous.

By their nature, these student movements are not democratically elected. There is no set, universal mandate. There are no policy documents or membership criteria that can control and discipline aberrant behaviour or violent acts of so called “members”. Their demands and powers are, in effect, unlimited and subject to sudden, erratic change. Factionalism is rife. Hijacking by subversive political groups is too common. Without a clear leadership structure, how can university administrators, politicians or journalists critically engage with the movement? And how can we protect journalists who are – as at Rhodes University – harassed and told to stop filming, stop tweeting, forced to delete tweets and reportage from their phones, or asked to leave a university hall and cease all reporting in a public space? Looking at the track record of petrol bombings, riots and incinerated university buildings and vehicles, we can see that being careful and thorough with our beliefs – instead of morally smug and self-righteous, claiming we are ‘woke’ with some hidden, members-only knowledge that believers are under no expectation to share with those who question them (see pg78, Educating the Intolerant for more details – you know, “go do your readings” because “it’s not my job to educate you”) – is singularly crucial to uphold the central tenets of our shaky democracy.

In oversimplifying and abandoning their ways as ‘racist, elitist, sexist dude-bro tacky mom jokes’ they’ve missed a golden opportunity to introduce new concepts and debate ideas in a way that people can understand and empathise with. To say that there isn’t good content or ideas in this edition would be in bad faith (I enjoyed the interviews, especially with McKaiser), but the entire publication just comes across as aggressive and inflammatory.

197SAX is a fundamentally flawed failure, given its incessant polarised views. It claims to be the voice of students, of enlightenment, of a new narrative of freedom and equality, but really, all it does is judge and seek to control people, to shame and guilt them into self-flagellation and apologies: to tell them what to think and what to feel and what to wear and who to love and how to do it.

This year, SAX sucks.



If you’d like to support SAXAppeal, SHAWCO and RAG in their noble efforts to raise funds for underprivileged youth, please, check out their website and make a donation. if you want to read it for yourself, please purchase and download a copy of 197SAX.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Maties inspires new TV show


UPDATE 13/02/16 7:00am: Muse and Abuse would like to apologise for this insensitive image and then retract that apology and go back to our original stance before apologizing again and retracting our retraction. Sorry.


Pic source of Stellies: Stellenbosch by Carton on Flikr under a Creative Commons 2.0 licence.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Historic protest “actually pretty damn boring”, says protester

Pic by M de Klerk

Disappointment abounds today, after protesters – who turned out in their hundreds expecting to face tear gas, stun grenades and the terrifying history of brutality of the South African Police Service – realised that historic, nation-changing protests are far more peaceful and boring than their media feeds make them seem.

“What’s even the damn point in being here?” said embittered protester Molly Tov, altering her placard to read ‘Ban stun grenades – but come on, just use one so I can see what it’s all about’.

“I’ve seen dozens of hours of video of flashbang grenades, chemical watercannons that drive you crazy with itching, and rubber bullets; I’ve read countless articles outlining the ceaseless street violence, racial tensions, and rampant vandalism. Where is all this stuff? All I've seen today is just a peaceful protest demanding a long-overdue, positive change for the future. I mean, WTF is this kak?”

Protests mill around awkwardly waiting for the first
stun grenade to be thrown like in their
Twitter feeds.
Pic: M de Klerk

Other protesters have agreed.

“A few days ago I was so excited to do my bit: you know, stand against the exploitative capitalist system, maybe march a bit, not have to hand in my Economics essay that’s due later today,” said post-graduate Economics student Reeva Lution. “I turned on the news on TV and all I saw was endless replayed footage and in-studio analysts saying ‘blerrie students looting and destroying campus and spraying blerrie graffiti everywhere’. And then I get here and all it is boring hours of standing peacefully by barricades, turning cars away, calmly explaining our agenda to passers-by. I didn’t even get beaten to a pulp or wrongfully arrested. What kind of protest is this?”

However, some students say they might know the reason for such counter-intuitive events.

“I’m busy dusting off my application for NMMU and UCT,” said second-year Anthropology student, Emma Pee. “That way I can get a decent education AND have better struggle credentials from taking a smoke grenade to the back of the head.”

Whatever the controversy, all protesters can agree that the protest action shows how South Africa is transforming into an enviable nation of peace and progress.

“Let’s just think about what we’ve accomplished this week: the SAPS didn’t murder hundreds of civilians, Blade Nzimande actually fucking did something for a change, and students realised that people protesting to make their fees cheaper isn’t something they should bitch about on Twitter,” said the MIPMustFall movement in a statement this morning.

"Now we just have to get our protest movement to focus on the things that truly hurt and disadvantage all university students: Tuesday's Braised Club Steak in the Dining Hall. That shit needs to fall, ASAP.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Racist universities must fall, says third-year protester with late assignments

Defiant and committed: young Jason Eames is taking a stand
against racist universities and their oppressive
hand-in schedules.

Citing the gross injustices meted out against his fellow students, exorbitant university price hikes that will make it increasingly difficult for financially unstable students to afford study, and that economics tutorial assignment that he just didn’t have time to finish last weekend, a student protester has taken a defiant stance against “racist, oppressive universities”.

The brave and defiant young Jason Eames, who also didn’t finish his Accounting 3 term essay that is due at 4pm this afternoon, said that extreme actions such as tyre burning and blockading roads were entirely necessary “to raise awareness and get the university’s attention and also maybe an extension”.

“This isn’t about you or me or even that tut assignment on fiscal policy that we had to hand in at 8am this morning – this is about equality,” said Eames at a press conference at the pool. “We have to do what needs to be done: shut down the university. If we do nothing now, then what will our children say to us ten years’ time, or my economics tutor on Thursday morning when I pitch up and haven’t done any of the prepared readings or written responses?”

He went on to add that “Jesus, but I’m hanging hard” and that “no ways I’m flippen going to lectures today”.

And despite widespread anger and frustration at the night-long protest and disruptive protest action, student political analysts say the timing of the protest could not be better.

“Yes, there is a planned price hike for next year,” said politics editor for campus newspaper Actstoolate, Jeremy Poltoo, “but also my ComSci prac exam is in two weeks and I’m basically fucked. If this screws up test schedules and shifts SWOT week a couple of days, then it will all have been worth it. When we wake up in a more equal, just society where I don’t have to hand in that assignment I was never going to do anyway, will anyone of us care that we couldn’t sleep all night?”

Vocal critics of the protest must, says Polltoo, remember that this protest is aimed at helping all students.

“Some might say that I’m hijacking an important national debate for my own selfish agenda, or that I’m bandwagoning on others’ difficulties and struggles,” he said. “But to those idiots I say ‘you’re ignorant, you haven’t done your readings’. I mean, neither have I, but basically you should be thanking me for giving us a day or three to catch up.”

And students are showing their support.

“I think it’s great,” said Jessica Wyt-Teers. “It’s nice to see so much free parking space on campus for once; and having another Facebook topic that will quickly devolve into race-based mud-slinging is always a plus."

Others, however, are not so supportive.

”This whole thing is bloody ridiculous,” said one second-year. “These guys kept me awake all night, brought the university to its knees and faced potentially dangerous riot police, and for what? Lowered university fees? More reasonable terms and payment options on the Minimum Initial Payment? A more affordable education? I mean, who the hell do these inconsiderate protester pricks think they are?”

Friday, February 22, 2013

Societies sign-ups a smashing success



Societies sign-ups held on the Rhodes University Great Field last night were a smashing success, says hasn't-resigned-yet SRC Societies Councillor Noah Budgets.

The event saw a host of different societies trying to coax students into joining their ranks, including many newly formed clubs that shamelessly promoted themselves.

One of these new additions was TruthSoc, which is based on giving students the real society experience at a minimal cost.

"We're very excited!" said President of the society Robin Hugh. "When you sign up, we give you a handful of badly designed fliers, a cheap pen and a cupcake. We have big plans for this year: we're going to send too many emails to our members until March, and then fall completely silent and not email a soul. Then, after a few months of buying committee shirts, we'll host one desperate, last-ditch event at the end of the year just before SWOT week. Which is okay, you know, because we'll probably only get our funding then, if last year is anything to go by."

Pictured: a first-year standing between three society booths.

Also new to the scene was the Student Representative Council Society. The club is being introduced for the first time at Rhodes University, and already has a huge number of members. However, this will probably be short-lived, as student political analysts say that most of these members will submit their resignations before the end of the month.

The usual, old-timer societies also showed face at sign-up. One of these was the Hellenic Society. This society has a rich heritage of being the biggest party club on campus Greek culture.

"We have a hectic year ahead of us," said Events Coordinator for the society, Getty Nyadrunc. "For example, we have a few toga parties every now and then, and there's nothing more Roman Greek than a toga. Also, here's a free shot of Zorba. You can't get more Greek than that."

The event did not come without its hitches, however, and for a while during setup, there were fears that the entire evening would collapse.

"Tensions were high," recalls Matthew Johnson, the President of the Society for People Whose Name Starts with an 'M'. "There were fights for spaces and desks and pieces of ground, and there wasn't enough power to go around. It was like post-2000 Zimbabwe, really."

Some societies almost came to blows, until Zimbabwean student Tsvangin Morgirai worked out a power-sharing deal. 

"He came out of nowhere with some 30m extension cables, and everyone was happy," said Johnson. Morgirai is on the committee for a newly formed political society, but they are still arguing the terms of their constitution.

There were also many complaints that the event had been not been held in the Great Hall, because, you know, it was flippin' freezing last night. However, some students thought the decision fitting.

"The stars were out, and there was free wine and delicious cakes being handed out,"
said first-year Tanya Jameson. "Seeing how in three weeks my dad I will have to pay exorbinant subscriptions, I like to be courted and given gifts before I get screwed."