SRC election to be decided in dance-off

In a sudden turn of events this morning the Rhodes Student Representative Council shocked the sometimes-voting student body by announcing that the usual ballot-style democratic elections for SRC portfolios would be dropped in favour of a "kiff dance competition."

According to incumbent SRC President Officer Raak Datbadhi, the move comes in hopes that "all those okes who watch Idols and Big Brother will get interested."


 
"We've seen in past Idols seasons that sometimes so many people vote that they get two winners at the end of the day," said Datbadhi. "We think that the possibility of accidentally having two presidents will be great."

The new electoral process started off with a surprising video released this weekend, in which the SRC showed off their preliminary dance moves in hopes to win a strong starting sentiment with the voting public. The video contains none of that usual democratic election crap, such as names, portfolio aims and goals, candidate manifesto, previous leadership credentials or current campaign mandate, and instead focuses on their skills on the dancefloor.

"Basically all the important stuff," said Datbadhi.

And according to Head of DanceSport and now expert in Student Politics Megan Bohlroom, this is a great way for students to pick out the right candidate.

"They all have a pretty similar, too-long marching intro, which makes it difficult to single one true leader out," said Bohlroom. "However, the spin, twist and pose of the Projects candidate shows that she is a truly gifted, natural-born leader with the kinds of skills that will really serve in the non-dance related side of the SRC's workload."

Other candidates also show promise. 

"The tall white president dude might seem a little stiff and forced at first, but it's in that final little squat that he really shows his natural gift for leading the student body."

Other candidates, however, might suffer a stunted start.

"The 'machine-gun' move of the Oppidan Councilor might be a little too politically aligned to the ANC and 'Umshini Wami' to win over students, and the fact that some of the candidates aren't wearing overalls or purple shows that they actually don't give two flying shits about students and their needs," said Bohlroom.

However, many students remain unconvinced at the show, saying that the obvious lack of Autumn Harvest in the video means that the clip is not a valid indication of their real dance potential and thus their leadership capabilities.

"I'm somewhere between Sheldon Cooper and an IS major when it comes to dancing," said second-year BFA student Ackjulie Tahlented. "But err'body knows that when i've got ma drink own, I'm half Beyonce, half Rihanna. I'm Rihyonce, biaatch!"

Students can vote over the course of the next week, during which candidates will be staging dance-offs every lunchtime at the Kaif, with surprise choreographed flash mobs at Dining Halls to be announced this week.

SRC to not reach quorum faster than ever

In a move designed to not reach quorum faster than ever before, the Student Representative Council of Rhodes University has decided to reinstate their online voting system for the upcoming SRC elections.

According to Oric Efei, elections officer for the SRC, the SRC is hoping to not reach quorum as quickly as possible this year. Not reaching quorum is a strong Rhodes SRC tradition stemming back to 1942, when Sir Richard Von Notreachingquorumston got students to give up having reasonable representation for their woes and issues for the first time.

"In the past, it's taken us almost a month to not reach quorum," said Efei. "In fact, last year we had to restart the elections, but even then we only didn't reach quorum in three weeks. The current system is just too inefficient. If we want to amass non-votes as quickly as possible, we need to change things."

Some of the proposed changes will be new poster requirements and the old online voting system.

"With these changes, students will now be able to not vote from the comfort of their rooms or the jab labs," said Efei proudly.

The SRC will also be reintroducing their previous non-quorum-reaching strategies from previous elections, such as sending out begging emails deploring students to vote, and going into each dining hall and setting up voting booths.

"Past elections have shown that these two methods have been astounding techniques for not reaching quorum," said Efei. "We'll even be having another grazzle. That shit makes people seriously not care."

Student elections will run later this term, with students being able to pick between 5 underqualified candidates for the 9 positions.

"We've got a great line up of election candidates this year," said elections admin officer Efic Orei, whose name we didn't just make up on the spot. "There's one guy who was the Community Engagement officer at his highschool, and another girl who used to tutor maths for her grade 11 Bridging the Gap society. These are the highest qualifications we've had in years. I mean, even if they'll probably resign a month in."

The SRC is also hoping to not reach quorum as quickly as possibly by introducing a new level of truly awful into the various candidates' election posters.

"We've really stepped up the game this year," said fourth-year design student Lhuvin Taipografie. "MS Word clip-art, low-resolution images, empty catchphrases, awful leading and kerning... these are all prerequisites now."

Awful spelling is also a compulsory prerequisite

SRC President has added his voice to the debate, saying that the sudden appearance of anti-not-reaching-quorum vitriol on the SRC facebook page is unwelcome.

"Every time you vote, a kitten dies," said president Bakhe Sadi. "Just sayin'."

In light of these recent changes, those guys on the SRC facebook page student political analysts now estimate that quorum might definitely not be reached in as little as a day.

"We're really excited to see how this all turns out," said the guy who will probably end up picking our SRC for us, Saleem Badat.

Students can look forward to not complaining about the SRC ever again in a few short weeks.

Confessions and obsessions: the truth about the Solomon scandal

Ever since it was first started, the Rhodes University SRC facebook page has been the site of many controversies. From the very local Pink Link SRC campaign, to the reportage on the child porn shock (which, I believe, was stupid scare reportage aimed at creating controversy for controversy's sake) the site is a far cry from its intended purpose as

"... a platform provided to the students of Rhodes University to channel healthy discussions and debates on contemporary issues facing studentship, society and youth in general, as well as a forum for students to have direct contact with the SRC and other students within the University. Its aim is to be a positive, helpful aid to all students at Rhodes University." 

 And so, it was with no real surprise that scandal reared its ugly head once more - this time in the form of Michelle Solomon and the hugely (albeit very temporarily so) popular Rhodes Confessions page.

This site, to those of you who were leading a productive life outside of facebook and studying hard for your upcoming exams living under a rock for the past few days, the page allows users (anyone, be they Rhodes students, internet trolls, or Russian Bride websites) to submit their funny, witty, quirky, or troubling Rhodes-related tales, which would be posted for the world to enjoy.

Humble beginnings 

Now, there's nothing new about pages like these. The most noteworthy example of all could be PostSecret.com, but there are tonnes of other university-based ones. The Rhodes page, in fact, came into existence in response to other similar pages already in existence for other universities: there was already a Wits Confessions and UCT Confessions page, this latter one on both facebook and twitter. It was the latest fad: dozens of these things started popping up. They were probably more popular than pokemon cards of our Junior School days.

Not the be outdone, the Rhodes page soared into popularity. The site garnered several hundred posts in mere hours, and blasted over the 7000-likes milestone within a day or two (thought this could be because of exam procrastination; students would like a shit-covered stick if it could draw them away from the horrors of studying for a few hours)

And it's easy to see why: the page (as one post-closure sore-hearted user said) "transcended race, creed, sex, religion" and it was solely aimed at being an anonymous submission of funny stories that Rhodes students could relate to. And relate they did: I never knew that I wasn't the only person who hated the Library revolving door.

And some of the post were (gasp!) mature and thoughful.

 


The posts covered a variety of topics, from friendzones, drinking and partying to studying, relationship problems, and deeply personal fears. Sure, we can't trust all of these as 100% true (anonymity has its downside), but they made us all look at Rhodes and our fellow students in a different light.

For a while there, Rhodes was the envy of over universities. I walk the streets and pathways of campus with general obliviousness at my fellow Rhodents, but after this page came up, I looked at them differently. I saw past the layer of 'Serious Student', and saw the quirky, strange, funny, and troubled students for who they were: human beings with human problems, trying to make sense of this life we call university. 

And then: trouble.

Michelle Solomon is known to many students here at Rhodes. She is an arguably controversial figure who has been at the forefront of previous flamewars, though I thought that she read into things a little too much. To elaborate, there was a laughable article printed in the student newspaper Activate at the time: it was silly, to say the least - an awful piece of writing that deserved scorn and derision, but certainly not accusations of rape denialism.

Anyway, this time around Solomon wrote an article about the potential dangers of running such a site, saying that the administrators faced a risk of legal proceedings due to the content of their page.This article, drawing on advice from a Media law practitioner, basically outlined the risk of defamation cases. Understandable, to say the least: recent Twitter controversies have shown that silly Tweets can get you in a world of trouble, and the same applies to facebook.

The Rhode Confessions page, much to the ire of children students at Rhodes, then disappeared. 

Artist's impression of Rhodes students' reaction

"It was you!" they screamed in blue murder. "It's all your fault! You had to open your mouth, didn't you?!"

Now, Solomon's stance on the page is no secret: she didn't like it at all. And that's understandable. Some of the posts are puerile, some are hurtful, and a lot of them are quite self-obsessed (and all of them might be totally bulldust, basically): 

 "It's the equivalent of Post Secret for drunk undergrads. It's a jocktastic mess of alcohol, sex and, in one case, a shat in pair of jocks" - Michelle Solomon 

But that is her opinion. Opinion. Hers. Her opinion. OPINION. I don't know if the point is coming across. HER OPINION. An opinion is a subjective belief, feeling or attitude towards an issue based on personal deliberation and consideration.

Also, she thought that the page was truly progressive and well-moderated: 

 "But I just called one of the admins, and they're being pretty awesome about it. Apparently they refuse to post any confessions that could "provoke or hurt" someone, and he went out of his way to mention that they try monitor sexism as closely as they can." - Michelle Solomon

To put all misconceptions aside, she didn't take the page down. She didn't write a letter to Facebook, Inc, or protest in front of the Embassy of the Internet and finally have it forcibly removed. No. Rather, the administrators for the page (spineless moderators who probably pulled out because A- they're afraid of legal action despite none of the other discriminatory-post-filled confessions pages being sued or B - it's exams, and posting this all day constitutes a second job) are the ones who pulled the plug on the much-loved page.

Gone were the quirky, fun-loving students I had smiled at all day. In their place were children. Self-obsessed, infuriated kids who were raging because their favourite play-thing suddenly vanished into thin air.

And then some have the gall to think that the admins were "bullied into silence". They were not. Pure and simple. And sadly, no one seems to get that. Those that do are patronisingly called "mommy".

However, very worrying indeed was the hurtful and sudden militancy that popped up out of nowhere.

To Papama "Go eat a dick" Bacela, I would like to say that I find it very interesting indeed that you openly purport on your facebook profile to follow the Religious View of Christianity. I must have missed the scripture where Jesus told his disciples to eat dick. Maybe there was a mistranslation of "my body, which is given for you"?

Having spoken to Michelle (I'll call her by her first name now, because I don't like being all clinical and objective), she tells me that she received death threats, and this particularly wonderful bit of commentary from one Kevin Koekemoer: "Rape Survivor? Should have been killed." 

Now, Michelle's attitude towards the page has been, at times, a little extreme, making sweeping statements about Rhodes as an insitution and as a whole:

...but this is understandable, because of the sheer small-minded meanness of people and their hateful, hurtful reactions. 

It's shameful that people are given the power to, at any time they wish, access any piece of information or knowledge that is in the human compendium of a millenia of intellectual development, and then we use it in the same fashion as the News24 commenter bigots that we all love to think we're so much superior to. We - supposedly University students - like to think we're forward-thinking, considerate individuals, and yet we're no worse than the trolls we despise.

And yes, for those of you who are missing their Confessions fix: replacement pages have come up to fill the gap. There were three of them jumping into the open space in a matter of hours (here are the three     examples    I could find).

But the spark is gone. At best, these could garner only a few hundred likes. The steam is just not there any more - not because Michelle ruined it for all of us, but because we ruined it ourselves. We saw something that we loved, something that made us feel wonderful and special, and then we let it poison us. I see troubling parallels between the reaction to this and the religious fundamentalism that we see from time to time. Is Michelle Solomon really a Salman Rushdie? Are Confessions a religious doctrine that we have to defend with threats of death and with hateful comments saying that those who oppose it shouldn't be alive?

As Bradley Bense, our SRC Vice President, for Pete's sakes, said, "it makes me sad to have to represent students who act like this."

And I couldn't agree more.