Study: South Africa still not utterly ruined

Pictured: South Africa in ten years

Claims made by men holding braai tongs across the country were today put to rest after a study has irrefutably shown that, despite tireless effort by government, police and many aspects of our problematic society, the country is still not absolutely "gone to the dogs."

"Science does not lie," said a man who for some reason wore a white coat, glasses and had the letters 'PhD' after his name.

According to the study, which has run since about the turn of the millenium, there are still many places in South Africa which have yet to feel the brunt of a ruinous political agenda.

"We've all heard the countless Doctoral Theses and Masters Dissertations entitled, 'Can I Tell You What's Wrong With This Country?', written by middle-aged political studies scientists and experts who have just finished their fifth beer and are among friends in the comfort and privacy of their own home, but the evidence points that these theses may just be discredited - there are still some areas of SA that are kind of okay."

When asked for comment, the DA were clear in their message of responsible, mature politics.

"NYA-NYA-NYA-NYA-NYA-NYAAAAAA!," they said, ignoring statistics showing that there weren't exactly blameless or perfect themselves.

Following the release of the controversial report, which has already been met with many counter-theses entitled 'These Blerrie Fokken' University Students, Always Reading Too Much Into Things And Making Stories' and 'Ag, Blerrie People Just Can't Accept The Blerrie Truth, Hey', many political factions have vowed to redouble their efforts.

"Ever since about 2002, when we first made it our goal and passion to be to societal harmony and progressivity what industrial-strength bleach is to a nest of fragile, helpless baby birds, we have been committed to achieving a nation-state worthy of the speeches of the country's top Braai Master Political Analysts," said ANC spokesperson Jake Meddels.

However, the majority poitical party does admit to having slipped up here and there.

"Here and there we have screwed up by actually delivering a decent standard of government and actually delivering basic services, not being corrupt, etc, etc, but we think we have vindicated outselves in the overtly negative press the mass media gives us every week," said Meddels. "We're excelling in that area."

Current estimates now predict that South Africa might only be a lifeless, radioactive and worthless hellhole of a banana republic - also known as a 'Zimbabwe' - by late 2018.