An advertising flier has smashed world records today, after being wilfully carried over 170m before being binned. The astonishing achievement completely destroyed previous attempts, which never got beyond ‘just a few feet from the dude handing them out.’
The flier, which was first handed to 25-year-old Hannah Dout on the intersection of Crosswell and Bosman streets in Cape Town at about 8.45am this morning and portrays a “incredible” and “not to be missed” two-for-one special at Jerry’s Rib Shack, reportedly made it all the way to corner of King Avenue before being palmed into a nearby trash can.
Official reports state that the flier made it this incredible distance, even despite there being “six convenient bins within arm’s reach” between the two points and also despite the simple fact that “she could have tossed that shit in the gutter at any time”.
However, not everyone is ecstatic. Already the record attempt has been contested by the previous winner, Noah Than-Que.
“I have since carried a pointless garbage flier at least fourteen times that distance,” he explained in an angry email to the Guinness Organisation of World Records. “Surely my record should be recognised?”
Controversy is sure to arise, as Guinness officials have not recognised his achievement.
“Eye witness reports state that he read both sides of the flier and nodded with a small smile, before putting it in his backpack,” said Guinness CEO Naim Laikebeer. “Clearly he wanted the flier, even going so far to take it home.”
"Besides," he added, "he willing took it with intent instead of having that bloody guy walk right up to you with a fake smile and force it into your hand while you pretend to be interested in his enthusiastic support of pointless environmental waste."
Readers are encouraged to print this article out and force strangers to take it, or just save us all some time and throw it away as soon as it hits the print tray.
