Immigration - the scourge of the whole world

You know what’s ruining this country – no, the entire blerrie world? Immigrants. Guest Writer Johan Van Eksteen tackles this uncomfortable topic, showing us the truth behind something many people are hesitant to talk about frankly and honestly.

Immigration, my friends. Is it just me, or does this problem seem to be getting worse and worse every year? It seems that no matter where you go, you can’t even move without bumping into someone who isn’t from here. With xenophobic attacks so recurrent and regular that Somali shopkeepers could set their fiscal calendars by them, I decided to look at this issue. And let me tell you, it’s a lot more complicated than it at first seems.

Now, immigration has long been a problem in almost all societies. Immigration goes as far back as the unwanted and dirty flood of Jews and Irish and Poles into America in the 19th and 20th centuries. Hell, we could go one step further and say that this scourge was affecting societies even as far back as the Southwards migration of Zulu and Bantu peoples into XhoiSan territories in South Africa in the early AD, or the northwards migration of Homo Habilus and other pre-modern humans nearly 70 000 years ago, or even the ugly, unstoppable wave of society-leeching primordial fish-lizard creatures that crawled unwelcomed and unwanted onto the prehistoric marshes of Pangea hundreds of millions of years ago.

Of course, today the problem is far, far worse, because back then there were no jobs or healthcare to steal.

Yes, friends, it might shock you to hear this, but immigrants are taking our healthcare and our government grants: you know, those things that are supposed to be reserved for South Africans, that our hard-working tax payers shell out for after they’ve finished handing billions of Rands to Zuma for his giant luxury Palacemansioncompound?

I remember a time when I used to think “but surely getting healthcare requires a valid ID and many documents proving your status as a tax-paying citizen? Surely getting the laughably paltry handouts that thousands of below-the-breadline South Africans survive on every month is a bit more difficult than just walking into a SASSA office and putting out your grimy, Zimbabwean hands?” Turns out I was wrong, friends. And that’s scary, because I’m never wrong.

And it doesn’t stop there: our jobs are being thrown out the window and into the laps of Malawian borderjumpers. “But that makes no sense,” I hear you predictably retort, “Johan, wouldn’t most companies be hesitant to give scarce jobs to what you have on many, many occasions, called ‘a bunch of lazy, good-for-nothing unskilled thieves who don’t even speak our language’? Surely any employer would want to avoid huge legal ramifications and massive fines for breaking labour laws by making sure to go Proudly South African?” Well, to that I say “that’s the kind of senseless, contradictory society we live in.”

However, the damage goes beyond just the financial: what’s being hurt even more is our national culture and identity. All these immigrants make no effort to fit in, to try and be a part of South African society.

You know, every day I drive from my job at a single-language newspaper back to my home in that gated, all-white, English-Afrikaner closed community in Sandton and I pass these Somali or Zimbo neighbourhoods, these anti-nationalist, unpatriotic attempts to stick to one culture without embracing the beautiful diversity of South Africa. It’s sad and sickening. The put themselves behind these walls and barriers, and don’t even try to mix with everyday South Africans. Hell, they don’t even make an effort to try and learn any of the 11 official languages of South Africa, for example English, or Afrikaans, or, er, one of those other ones. Even the Zulu security guy who mans the barbwire, electrified gate of my suburb comments on it sometimes.

Or at least, I think he does. I don’t speak Zulu.

But what I can’t stand most of all is the pretence they put up, the lies and excuses they tell me to try and make us feel sorry for them. They put up this sad story of running away from hateful or outright murderous political regimes or iron-fisted dictatorships; they give us these sop tales of “brutal police” and “racist officials and harsh, anti-human immigration laws”; they wax lyrical about having left everything – their language, their home, their history, their culture, their families, their entire way of life and identity – just to live in fear and poverty in a country that despises and assaults them just for wanting a better life for them and their children. And why? Well, so that you won’t complain when they take that below-minimum-wage, no-security job that rightfully belongs to people born here!

You know, it’s exactly for this reason that I stopped my application to live and work in England or Australia. All I want is to go there, trade in my green passport, and live and work in peace: but how can I move overseas to live on greener pastures when all these bloody immigrants are stealing the jobs that I want, taking the healthcare and government grants that I’ll need when I get there? It’s absurd.

This, my friends is why I congratulate the ANC on at least one thing: that they’ve stood up for South Africans’ rights everywhere. You know, silly organisations like the Human Rights Watch, or so-called Amnesty International, might condemn South Africa’s diplomatic and political stance on human rights atrocities in other African countries, and her harsh, “unjust, retrogressive” immigration laws that miss opportunities to integrate trained professionals such as teachers, scientists and skilled workers into our society to better serve our people, but I say “well done.”

As tempting as it is to enjoy the cheap labour these guys offer (and that cool perk of being able to fire them at will, which forces them to never complain about how little you pay them for fear of you reporting them to the police on trumped up charges of theft) we need to stick to a strong code of national pride and moral integrity, to support - and ardently defend the rights of - those human beings who share a birthplace with us.

After all, how can we possibly have a better South Africa if it’s full of Zimbabweans?

Johan is a guest columnist at Muse and Abuse. Widely renowned for his non-nonsense approach to controversial topics, Johan shines a blinding light of truth on subjects like why white people should vote ANC, why Blackface isn't the real racist problem in SA, and how Black Privilege is an ugly truth that no one wants to admit. He also thinks gay marriage should have been outlawed years ago.
He also doesn't know his editor and employer is Zimbabwean.

SABC bans xenophobic ad

The controversial advert from well-known restaurant chain, Nandos, has been banned from being aired by the national broadcaster, said the SABC in a press statement this morning.

"With fears of how people will react to it, we just don't want such an advert this highly disseminated in the public sphere," said head spokesperson John Sensa, "except, of course, all over Twitter and Facebook and the rest of the internet and the news and blogs and foreign television services."

The SABC has since vehemently defended its decision.

"We would never want to spread adverts that contain shocking, offensive or, god-forbid, thought-provoking material or ideas. Especially if they aren't making us any money. We prefer safe, non-head-scratching entertainment, like episodes of Friends that even your mother thinks are outdated."

The SABC believed that, much like with issues of corruption and failing public services, not addressing the issue was a far more effective campaign.

"If we show the advert, we are afraid that we'll make the problem worse. We think it better to just not show it. If we just stay quiet, we're sure that the problem will sort itself out, especially with our country's migrant labour policies, unemployment, current immigration and refugee policies, inequitable housing policies, the problems with identification documents, corrupt policing, the proliferating informal urban settlements, competition for scare resources, crime, and our disconnected government that no longer listens to the anguish or comprehends the anger of millions of people living in poverty," he said.

"If we show it, it may create a problem almost as large as our yearly overdraft."

When asked why they were opting for a 'white elephant' approach, the SABC defended itself.

"We would never use such an approach. The SABC is tolerant and diversity-minded. We prefer the 'non-racially-charged-or-ethnically-marked-politically-correct-pachyderm' approach," said Sensa.

The SABC has always had a rich history of family-friendly, inoffensive advertising.
Almost as rich, in fact, as their history of bailouts.

However, CEO of SABC, Winida Bailout, has defended their decision, saying that the Nandos advert "trivialises xenophibia".

"Besides," he said, "there are other, more important problems to worry about, like that painting of Zuma."

When asked whether he knew that the painting had been defaced and the issue settled, he shrugged.

"We're the SABC. According to us, Ross is still fighting to make Rachel see his true feelings."

Many civilians have praised the SABC's swift action.

"I was really worried for a second there that I would have to watch it and make up my own mind about it. You know how much we lay people hate critical thinking," said George Chimbetu.

"I'm glad they censored it," said another man. "I actually had my axes and assegai sharpened and ready, and I was just waiting for one silly advert to set me off."

Many more have reacted to the decision with anger.

"Typical. We South Africans make one advert and all these foreigners get offended. We aren't xenophobic at all, and if they don't like our adverts then they should go back to their home countries," said one local man, Kenneth Ofobea.

Since the decision, both M-Net and DSTV have jumped on the bandwagon.

"We already show Desperate Housewives, Jersey Shore and My Super Sweet 16," said media sales representative Jane Erikson. "We're worried that this advert might cement our image as broadcasters who are uncaring about the plight of the most marginalised classes in South Africa."

Meanwhile, Professor of History and Migrancy studies Thomas Reedabok has branded the advert as "historically incorrect."

"Following theories of evolution and migration, the Khoisan man should have actually disappeared as well. If Nandos wanted to empirically represent Africa's most original native dwellers, they should have instead displayed a single prokaryotic bacterium saying 'you found me here' in corresponding subtitles."

Nandos was unable to comment on the matter. "We have received complaints to the advert and we are working on a response to be released sometime in the next few days," said HR rep James Makapun.

"We just can't say anything until we've thought of a clever pun or advert highlighting our reaction."