Showing posts with label selection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label selection. Show all posts

Friday, June 1, 2012

United Nations to review ambassadorial selection policy


This week, Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe, was made the United Nation's Ambassador of International Tourism, a decision hailed by many as "the smartest ever since Napoleon invaded Russia".

Director of the Ambassadorial Selection Committee, Mr Wong Choyse, says that the decision has come too late."I look back and I think of all the other great leaders we could have put into UN Ambassadorial positions of power, and I'm sad, because they're no longer with us. As Ambassador of Diversity and Ethnic Tolerance, we could have had Adolf Hilter, or Idi Amin."

However, Choyse said that the decision had sparked a wave of reform in the selection committee.
"The board has opened up to consider many other African leaders for suitable positions in the UN. For example, Joseph Kony is being considered for UN Ambassador for Childrens' Rights. We think that the children will react very positively to him, because his name sounds kind of like 'cone', like an ice-cream."

The decision has also led to a surge of applications from leaders around the world.
Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has put forward his name for Ambassador for Gender Equality.
"I believe that I am as qualified to fulfill this role as Mugabe is to fulfill his as Ambassador of Tourism. After all, I'm a man, which means I'm already twice as qualified as any woman."

However, the call has been met with much criticism. Omar Al-Bashir, President of Sudan, was one of the first to raise his voice in protest.
"What has he done that I haven't?," he said, slamming his skull wineglass on his table of bones.
"It's unfair that he should get a title while i'm ignored."

Teodoro Obiang Nguema, President of Equatorial Guinea, has also added his voice to the complaints.
"It's such an affront to my dignity. All I can do is just sit in my palatial mansion with nothing but my billions to soothe my bruised pride."

The ANC Hipster League have reacted by calling the United Nations, "a bunch of outdated, outmoded copycats.
"We have been putting the wrong people into important positions of power before it was cool," said spokesperson Django Gulliver.

However, a source close to the electoral council has told reports that the decision was just a case of "broken telephone." "When the the president was being discussed, one of the elective committee members put forward a possible position, but the Director misheard. It wasn't supposed to 'tourism', but actually the International Ambassador of terrorism," he said.

However, Director Choyse has been quick to debunk those rumours.
"There's no way we would ever consider making anyone Ambassador of Terrorism," he said reproachfully.
"That position has already been filled by Hasan Izz-Al-Din of the Hezbollah, though we've had difficulty getting in contact with him since his minor misunderstanding with the FBI in 2001."