University celebrates Internationalism, Multiculturalism with diverse array of stereotypes

Saying they wanted to celebrate the rich and varied heritages of their students both local and international, lecturers and staff at an area University this week celebrated the diverse and fascinating heritages of their campus using a wide and colourful range of stereotypes and cultural oversimplifications.

“We all know that national identities are at their core monolithic and static entities,” said event organiser Carrie Kature, “so what better way to celebrate our wide and diverse collection of peoples, cultural heritages and traditional backgrounds than through a series of reductive representations of complex cultures, such as cliché meals, national dresses out of a 50’s NatGeo mag, and flags?”

And students could not be happier.

“Itsa true-a! They’ra a-celebrayting-a la diversity!” said Italian exchange student and third-year Guido Linguini, working his way through a bowl of pasta while kissing his fingertips. “Eetza so grayta!”

Other students agree.

“Zis ‘is ze faanest way to zelebrate ze rish culture of ma favorit quantree, le France!,” said French postgraduate student Ommelay Du Fromage, munching a croquet-monsiquer and tilting his beret. “I weesh zat all ze kantreez kud zelebrate la culture comme ca!”

The University is already hard at work preparing for its next celebration, South Africa’s heritage day.

We’re really looking forward to Heritage Day,” said the Uni. "So we can celebrate our country's turbulent history and wide array of tribes and peoples by charring some fillet and vors."

United Nations to review ambassadorial selection policy

This week, Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe, was made the United Nation's Ambassador of International Tourism, a decision hailed by many as "the smartest ever since Napoleon invaded Russia".

Director of the Ambassadorial Selection Committee, Mr Wong Choyse, says that the decision has come too late."I look back and I think of all the other great leaders we could have put into UN Ambassadorial positions of power, and I'm sad, because they're no longer with us. As Ambassador of Diversity and Ethnic Tolerance, we could have had Adolf Hilter, or Idi Amin."

However, Choyse said that the decision had sparked a wave of reform in the selection committee.
"The board has opened up to consider many other African leaders for suitable positions in the UN. For example, Joseph Kony is being considered for UN Ambassador for Childrens' Rights. We think that the children will react very positively to him, because his name sounds kind of like 'cone', like an ice-cream."

The decision has also led to a surge of applications from leaders around the world.
Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has put forward his name for Ambassador for Gender Equality.
"I believe that I am as qualified to fulfill this role as Mugabe is to fulfill his as Ambassador of Tourism. After all, I'm a man, which means I'm already twice as qualified as any woman."

However, the call has been met with much criticism. Omar Al-Bashir, President of Sudan, was one of the first to raise his voice in protest.

"What has he done that I haven't?," he said, slamming his skull wineglass on his table of bones.
"It's unfair that he should get a title while i'm ignored."

Teodoro Obiang Nguema, President of Equatorial Guinea, has also added his voice to the complaints.
"It's such an affront to my dignity. All I can do is just sit in my palatial mansion with nothing but my billions to soothe my bruised pride."

The ANC Hipster League have reacted by calling the United Nations, "a bunch of outdated, outmoded copycats.
"We have been putting the wrong people into important positions of power before it was cool," said spokesperson Django Gulliver.

However, a source close to the electoral council has told reports that the decision was just a case of "broken telephone." "When the the president was being discussed, one of the elective committee members put forward a possible position, but the Director misheard. It wasn't supposed to 'tourism', but actually the International Ambassador of terrorism," he said.

However, Director Choyse has been quick to debunk those rumours.
"There's no way we would ever consider making anyone Ambassador of Terrorism," he said reproachfully.
"That position has already been filled by Hasan Izz-Al-Din of the Hezbollah, though we've had difficulty getting in contact with him since his minor misunderstanding with the FBI in 2001."