A local South African film maker has been arrested
for
flying
a helicopter
camera outside the hospital where ex-President Nelson Mandela is being
treated, said SAPS officials this morning.
The police took time out of their
busy schedule not solving real crime to answer questions from Muse and
Abuse.
"You need a permit to fly one of those things," said lieutenant
Jake Mander, the arresting officer on scene. "Or something like that.
We're not actually sure. We've got some people googling it."
FC Hamman and his 21-year-old son were arrested for
allegedly shooting overhead film of the gathered crowds at the hospital and
taken to the Pretoria Police Department for questioning.
"Usually we'd just
beat them or throw them into a cell and then release them, but this is a
Mandela issue, not some silly rape or serial murder. It deserves
attention," said Chief of Police Ian Eficent. "As such, we questioned
them for an hour or two. THEN we let them go."
However, SAPS confirmed that
they confiscated the equipment to make sure it doesn't violate any security
restrictions.
"We'll have some guys look at it, maybe poke it with a stick
a few times, and then, when we've fabricated some reports, magnanimously return
it," said Eficent. "We might even google it. Just to be absolutely
sure."
In related news, the timing of this drone camera saga has
been described as a "diplomatic awks-fest", what with Drone King of
UAV Mountain Barack "Remote Engagement" Obomber visiting South
Africa.
However, many people (we're too lazy to say who, exactly) have been
quick to assure Hamman not to worry.
"Your drones aren't a thing he'll
worry about," said Tom Henders, which sounds like it's a name that belongs
to a real-life person. "For one, they don't have the blood of a single
Pakistani or Iraqi child on them. Chilled."
The saga has also attracted the
vicious backlash of Mandela's extended family. Following extensive media
scrutiny, many Mandelas (except, of course, the one everyone actually cares
about) have expressed their anger.
To the mainstream media.
Seriously.
One such
example would be Mandela's daughter, who has lambasted the media, calling them
"vultures" for not respecting his privacy as he lay critically
ill.
"We call on all media to respect his privacy by limiting their
coverage on the great Madiba to only what we sell and immediately benefit
from, not to mention the books we'll all inevitably write. Seriously, if Snooki
can write a book about her inane life, then imma get me on this bandwagon,"
she said in a statement earlier this morning.
She went on to suggest that the
media had a "racist element", and pointed out that there wasn't this
kind of coverage for people like Ronald Regan or Margaret Thatcher, both of
whom, of course, as we all well know, were globally respected and adored for
their tireless humanitarian work in their respective fields of taxes and war.
And
finally in related news, bookstores across the globe are bracing themselves for
a massive inundation of Mandela autobiographies, unofficial biographies,
histories, timelines, feature books, photobooks, mugs, tshirts, memorial works,
paintings, art, factsheets, Did-You-Know booklets and other such related
paraphernalia.
"We're safe right now," said Exclusive Books managers
Penn Lynes. "But as soon as he's gone, we know that there are going to be
ten thousand books flowing in from every fucking idiot who stood next to the
man in a room for longer than ten minutes."
