Magistrates across the country went on strike today, in a class-wide move aimed at increasing their pay, says head of the Union of Magistrates Earnest Rike.
"We've started our Go-Slow this morning," said Rike. "I mean, it's not like we're a public sector or anything and can't go on strike."
However, some judiciary officials that don't exist but we'll just say "judiciary officials" 'cos you'll believe this lovely weasel wording say that the Go-Slow might actually speed up the justice system.
"By actively focusing on going slowly all day, they might accidentally go faster than their usual absent-minded, subconscious level of sloth-in-glue tardiness," said our source.
Thanks to the striking action, the police force and members of the South African Police Service say that they had to have a more involved role in meting out daily justice.
"The government is dealing with the issue," said Police Minister Nathi Mthethwa after he had decided to give enough of a shit to come back from his honeymoon to do what the country has been paying him do since he took office. Political analysts have emphasised the difficulty in deciding exactly who (between the Minister and those he protects) got screwed over more in the two-week period.
"We're going with South Africans," said analyst Loki Natstats. "Just because they didn't get a holiday or drinks before getting properly rogered."
Chief of Police Beetus Ivilian has also weighed in on the strike announcement, saying that the strike coincides with a three-year plan of action in the police ranks.
"We've been getting ready for this official strike for the better part of three years now," said Ivilian. "It's taken a lot of practice and tenacity."
According to Ivilian, much of the policy documentation was perfected and finalised with no small amount of civilian interaction and involvement - a process that some administrative officials in the police department say was at least on one occasion, "a drag".
"It's only through the efforts of locals and internationals in South Africa, like Emidio Macia and Andries Tatane, that we've gotten to where we are. We've definitely been getting a more hands-on approach to justice and dealing with insidious
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| SAPS servicemen and women say that they are all-guns for the new policy. |
Criminals have also protested at the decision, stressing their anger at having to spend more time in jail.
"They're telling me that I might have to spend as much as three extra days in prison!" said eight-time-convicted burglar and gang-rape-accused John Member. "Now i'll have to wait until the weekend is over to get back to work."
However, Ministry officials were quick to assure the public that the system will be back up and running in not time.
"Well be back to our old ways within the week," read the Ministry's statement. "
Before you know it, criminals accused of murder or gang rape will be out on R500 bail."
