Local IT technician and part-time blogger Eric Muller is reportedly excited today, having unveiled to the media his plan to open a new small café restaurant after he thought of a “really hilarious” pun centred around food yesterday afternoon.
“I was just walking along, minding my own business, eating an egg, polony and cheese sandwich, when a friend commented on how disgusting my sandwich looked,” he said rapidly, stuttering every few seconds he was so fired up.
“I told him that it was the only edible thing I could make with the ingredients remaining in my cupboard, and that was when it hit me. Eggers can’t be Cheesers. God, I’m a genius.”
Muller now joins over 2000 other small businesses, food stalls and quirky art shops across the country with similarly clever names. Such restaurants account for over 53% of all income in small towns across the nation.
“I haven’t really figured out where I’ll open it, what my business plan is or how I’ll secure funding, and I don’t really know anything about cooking or the food industry,” he said, “but I think I’ve got the most important element figured out. The rest should just come along by itself.”
However, his announcement has been met by scepticism from the clever-pun-business community, saying that his plan is “entirely inadequate.”
“He needs a lot more than just a clever name,” said co-owner of extermination company No More Mr Mice Guy, Jeffery Smokes. “He also needs a clever, well-designed logo and really cool overalls. Otherwise, he’s doomed to fail.”
Others, such as Jake Harding (owner of local fruit and veg stall Melon Cauli) and Callen Buffalo (owner of alcohol outlet Liquor Bru) agree.
“You need dedication and commitment to survive in this industry,” they said. “Whether that means having the ability to come up with clever weekly or daily specials on the menu that are also really clever puns, or employing a very self-aware brand of humour for the curios, trinkets and memorabilia you sell in your wife’s store inside the shop, you need to be on your game.”
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