Chefs, businessmen, doctors and experts of all
professions can look forward to an exciting opportunity for fantastic exposure
in their various fields this weekend, after the South African Musicians' Union published
a press release announcing free slots in their upcoming gig in Johannesburg
this weekend.
According to the press release, the gig organisers are looking
for professionals from all walks of life to come and show off their skills to a
gathered crowd of hundreds. Chefs, painters, accountants – no matter their
field of expertise – will work in 40-minute slots at the venue.
“It really is
going to be a fantastic opportunity for various career leaders to make their
names known in their spheres of work,” said event organiser Eim hun der Payd. “For
example, if you’re a struggling doctor who wants to get his name out there, or
a starting-up chef already working two jobs to support his passion for cooking
– often for free – then this is a great chance to get some unequalled
notoriety.”
However, he added, due to budgeting constraints, Hun der Payd added
that they would be unable to offer remuneration for services rendered.
“Right
now we’ve unfortunately spent all of our allocated budget on paying our
designers, photographers and musicians for a change, but we don’t think
that’s too big a deal,” he said. “I mean, this about your art, your passion, your calling. What is money? Can you
really justify paying for art? Doesn’t that debase it?”
He did, however,
mention that they might “swing you a free beer” or “at least one that’s much
cheaper than usual.”
“We’re cool like that. We think you’ll have earned it,” he
added with a smile.
Since the announcement, thousands of amateur professionals
across the country have greeted the news with delight and excitement.
“I’m
going to sign up immediately,” said 36-year-old Sushi chef Roald de Maki. “Even
if it means doing everything for free.”
Other professionals aired similar
enthusiasm.
“I’m only doing this accountancy work to support my passion for
figures and numbers,” said 42-year-old charted accountant Kerry Balance. “Maybe
afterwards I’ll get paid for my pen-pushing? I know that to become a real,
accepted accountant, you have to put in a few free hours here and there.”
“I’m
also signing up,” agreed corporate CEO Emma Basil. “I’ve worked tirelessly,
day-in and day-out from the lowly position of daughter-of-the-CEO for over a year
to get to where I am, and this showcase will be an opportunity to show off what
I’ve learned. My father always told me that if I worked hard I would succeed,
and that’s exactly what I tell my kids.”
However, not all professionals have
been pleased.
“It’s a joke,” said expert engineer Brad de Zyyn. “Every weekend
people call me up and are like,’Hey, Brad, don’t you want to quickly draw up
some standards-compliant, fully accurate and to-scale blue prints for my second
home that I want to build in Durban?’ I’m sick of these free gigs. I mean, I
put a lot of time and effort into my drawings. It is too much to ask for a
little bit of recompensation for that time, skill, and hard work?”
This is a complaint that has been echoed by struggling neurosurgeons, nuclear physicists and advanced encryptologists across the world.
This is a complaint that has been echoed by struggling neurosurgeons, nuclear physicists and advanced encryptologists across the world.
Meanwhile,
in related and equally shocking news, a poster designer, a photographer and at
least four musicians were actually offered money for their services.
“We’re
just playing around with a new strategy,” explained Hun der Payd. “But right
now we don’t seriously think that it’s something that will catch on and
continue as time goes by. I mean, that would make them think their work is
actually worth anything of value. Hahahah!”
