A majority-male media ownership cabal expressed its unhesitating and unequivocal delight today, after women’s magazine giant Cosmopolitan released their biggest, emptiest, most-advert-packed jumbo bumper deluxe edition yet.
“It really is a remarkable achievement,” said CEO Jake Davis. “In comparison, it makes our last editions look like philosophy textbooks.”
The issue, which is said to contain as many as 300 pages of jaw-dropping advertisements for clothes, make-up and high-end brands almost 80% of the South African women population can’t afford, as well as over 15 pages of stunning and make-you-swoon-in-desire paid advertorials, went on sale this morning at newsstands across the country.
“The latest beauty fad that will last three months at the most; the best super-secret fitness tips that we dug up on page two of Google search results; obvious health advice; and the obligatory every-edition ‘Have the Best Sex of Your Life That You’ll Obviously Never Be Able To Have Without Reading This Magazine’ article – it’s all in there!” said Magazine Editor and ex-journalist Mandy Sanders. “It’s like every other edition, but with a newer cover and prettier typeface: bigger, better, and same-ier than ever!”
Despite controversial criticisms that Cosmopolitan is a shallow ad-filled celebration of emptiness and meaningless high-brand capitalism that perpetuates a highly Westernised and white ideal of beauty, that it upholds a form of feminism that can be both toxic and oppressive, and that it excludes a vast majority of real, non-model women living under socioeconomic duress, fans of the magazine were defiantly supportive.
“Ag, it’s just a bit of fun that costs more than what many South Africans make in a day,” said 42-year-old Cape Town secretary Jane Eyre. “I like the magazine. I think people can be too critical and academic sometimes. Who cares if it causes some women to feel hideously inadequate about their body image or if it drives a culture of impaired self-esteem and warped notions of what can be deemed ‘beautiful’ stemming from a critically over-negative focus on what people look like and what brands they can afford to purchase?”
She also added that the magazine was “really, really pretty” which was “really, really nice”.
Cosmo magazine goes on sale to a predominantly rich and upper-middle-class female readership for about R40 more than most would pay for a really long string of adverts.
“We currently have about 78 000 readers,” said Sanders, “which is about 78 439 more readers than most satirical blogs run by ex-students have.”
Pic owned by Cosmopolitan magazine. New Cosmo Cover (my edit) with female model by Alejandro Páez
