Government spokespeople and social commentators put on a united front today, after unanimously agreeing that even now, many hundreds of years into South African democracy, the best way to celebrate and pay tribute to our country’s unique history, peoples and rich traditional background during tomorrow's National Heritage Day celebrations is through the delicious smell of grilling meat on a nice charcoal fire.
“When you see that 2kg Woolworth's prime rib slowly darkening to a rich, mouth-watering deep shade of brown, or hear that spritely sizzle of steaks on the griddle, what else comes to mind than the words ‘heritage’, ‘culture’, ‘nationalism’ and ‘pride’?” said Heritage Day Coordinator for Johannesburg Mr Bryan Stakes.
“When you hear the word ‘Zulu’, does it not conjure up thoughts of lamb shanks braised in a red wine and rosemary sauce scorching on the braai?” he asked. “I mean, what is more indicative of the deeply sincere traditionalist roots of Afrikaans solidarity and tenacity than a slowly charring coil of lightly peppered Oom Charl’s vors? And come on, what is heartier and more typically English than a quick-seared medium-rare steak? Well, that and the invention of concentration camps.”
Heritage day experts have been quick to publish their advice on having a truly authentic Heritage Day celebration.
”For a truly South African experience, be sure to slowly grill your garlic-and-lemon-basted chicken on signed copies of A Long Walk To Freedom,” said braai expert Karl Nivoar. “As you turn the bird, you’ll see the hopes and dreams of our fore-Presidents slowly curl, burn and seep into that lovely browning skin.”
However, despite some ardent and vociferous critics claiming that “[this] YOLOised and capitalist hijacking of a public holiday essentialises, oversimplifies and debases the truly rich and diverse collection of peoples, cultures, rites and traditional heritage that make up modern-day South Africa”, many people reportedly “don’t really give a stuff, china”.
“People say that this is an insult to our heritage, that it makes us so concerned with a trivial, shallow braai – which happens every weekend anyway – that we forget our own real history and the tales of those who came before us,” said Cape Town resident Weld Hun. “But seriously, what better way to remember Olivier Matambo and Nelly Madonsela and their ceaseless struggle during A Party Hate all those hundreds of years ago?”
Muse and Abuse would like to wish all its readers a happy Inkosi Asimbanano for tomorrow
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