Vodacom to expand across Africa.

Cellular service giant Vodacom has this morning announced plans to extend its reach across three new African countries by 2014.

Experts now predict that there will be millions of new cellphone users being eternally pissed off at their cellphones in a countries ranging from the Democratic Republic of Congo and Tanzania to Mozambique and Lesotho.

"This is a marvelous new opportunity," said expansion coordinator Lotsa Prophits. "We've fulfilled our mandate of giving kind of service sometimes in all the major cities in South Africa. It's time to do the same in other countries."

Prophits also pointed out the company benefits of such a move.

Vodacom is really looking forward to giving great service to the people of other countries NOT

"In an age where an sms actually costs nothing at all to transmit between carriers, we're looking forward to raking in ridiculous amounts of cash in places other than South Africa," he said. "I'm really looking forward to finally getting my three-year-old son that private jet he wants so badly."

The Department of International Affairs has also applauded the decision, saying that it is a massive step forward for diversity and multicultural respect.

"Now we just won't hear people bitching about terrible BBIS service in just isiXhosa, English or Zulu," said Minister of IA, Zen Hofobea. "Now we'll hear exotic and diverse exclamations of general shittiness in Swahili and Portuguese."

However, the banks of South Africa have raised concerns, saying that their money pits aren't big enough to handle these new volumes of hard, sweet cash.

"We used to have a lot of space in the chasms of our bank, but these have been quite unexpectedly filled by Government Ministers, Tenderpreneurs, Fat Cats, ridiculous banking charges some of our most valued customers. We just don't think we'll be able to handle the lucrative amount of flippin' hard currency that is going to come."

When reached for comment, the CEO of Vodacom Brad Signal said, "The mobile subscriber you have dialled, is currently unavailable, but you'll still pay for this short message. Thanks for the money, and for continuing to unhesitatingly accept bloated telecommunications charges."