Rhode University cancels construction of pools

Rhodes University has today announced its decision to cancel the construction of three new swimming pools, says Head of Campus Constructions, Buildmore Stuuf.

“You see, we noticed that all along Prince Alfred street there were these spots already cleared and excavated, some of them with water already in them. We figured these would be prime spots for new pools, and had gotten well into construction when the Department of Roadworks called us and asked to leave their potholes alone.”

Stuuf says that relationships between Rhodes and the DoR have since turned into to a “holey mess”.
“Not unlike half the roads in South Africa,” he added.

The decision has left many students and local residence disappointed.
“It would have been great,” said Fine Arts student Havno Realjob. “There is a lot of parking there, and it’s very easy access.”

Another student, Vuyo Ristic, who asked not to be named, said that the new pools would have allowed more opportunities to visit the “meat-market”. “Now I have to creep on facebook, just like every other normal human being,” he said.

Marion Nomajor Riteoff, a BSC student, said that the call to stop construction was saddening. “The new development would have been perfect for late-returning party-goers, journalism students, and those sad fools living up the hill. Sometimes I get sweaty and tired on the way back up the hill from lectures, so having not one but three swimming pools would have made perfect sense.”

The first of the three pools, The Nelson Mandela honourary swimming pool, had almost neared completion.

Construction of the other pools was well ahead of schedule before its sudden termination.

However, the call has been met with support by the Hellenic Society. “With so many of our toga-clad members going home late at night having  drank themselves almost to death attended our society's events that support a strong heritage of Hellenic culture, the three pools may have caused many accidents. We simply can’t have so many members of our club accidently drowning on their way home,” said the society's media representative, Agnes Bailout Maralous.

The proposed pools had originally made headlines, and were lauded by the Dean of Water Studies, Mr John Steenkamp, as one of the first systems to utilise entirely natural methods in its filling and maintenance. “Since these roads have no drainage capabilities anyway and become massive rivers each time it rains, we thought we might as well take advantage of the situation. We don’t even need chlorine: the water is already full of aluminium and arsenic, so there is no danger of germs. Also, the pools fill through natural rainfall, meaning that wastage is minimised. This really could have made waves in the modern architectural community”, he said.

The Students Representative Council has also expressed its disappointment, saying that the decision was a step back for both students and transformation. “This is another missed opportunity to have another thing in the world named after Nelson Mandela,“ said SRC Transformation Representative, Givita Newname.

The proposed pool sites have since been filled in and reconstructed to look kind of like a shitty road.