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| The man himself (showerhead not pictured) |
President Jacob Zuma gave a ringing endorsement of traditional courts given at the opening of National House of Traditional Leaders last week, saying, "Let us solve African problems the African way, not the white man's way”.
"Let us not be influenced by other cultures and try to think the lawyers are going to help," he said to applause from the gathered traditional leaders. "We have never changed the facts. They tell you they are dealing with cold facts. They will never tell you that these cold facts have warm bodies."
Now, the South African Judiciary is seeking to formalise a system whereby 18 million people living in rural areas fall under the jurisdiction of tribal chiefs and village councils who will rule on civil and criminal matters, issuing penalties including forced labour and fines of sheep, cattle and food. In some cases, they will be able to strip offenders of “traditional benefits” such as access to land, thereby denying them food and shelter.
"The President is absolutely right," said Head Justice Noah Khonvickshin. "The current system relies only on cold facts and forgets that the cold facts have warm bodies. Sure, these cold bodies might be rapists, robbers, murderers, and so on, but it still dehumanises them. This new system will treat them humanely, and -through a penalties system - will eke out proper justice. And if they really act out of line, we'll slap them on the wrist. Hard. And scold them."
Now, the South African Judiciary is seeking to formalise a system whereby 18 million people living in rural areas fall under the jurisdiction of tribal chiefs and village councils who will rule on civil and criminal matters, issuing penalties including forced labour and fines of sheep, cattle and food. In some cases, they will be able to strip offenders of “traditional benefits” such as access to land, thereby denying them food and shelter.
"The President is absolutely right," said Head Justice Noah Khonvickshin. "The current system relies only on cold facts and forgets that the cold facts have warm bodies. Sure, these cold bodies might be rapists, robbers, murderers, and so on, but it still dehumanises them. This new system will treat them humanely, and -through a penalties system - will eke out proper justice. And if they really act out of line, we'll slap them on the wrist. Hard. And scold them."
Zuma's announcement has been greeted by resounding applause from citizens across the country.
"Before today, I could only have one wife," said Johannesburg-based accountant, John Mxlomo. "Now, I can get as many as I desire," he said.
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| "Everything should return to the Africa ways," said Zuma in a later statement. "Except, of course, limos or gold Rolex watches or takkies or umbrellas or Chivas" |
Many lawyers have since stepped forward to back up the president's proposal.
"Court battles these days, they're all just litigation, discovery, evidence, cross-examining and so-called trustworthy judges with so-called 'degrees' and 'qualifications'. This return to a more practical, golden tradition will cut down on time and costs of court cases," said lawyer and advocate of this new legal system, Anne Archy.
Such tribal law councils are to be headed by predominantly male, unelected traditional leaders.
"The courtroom is no place for a woman," said Archy, "unless she's there to hand over her birthright or inheritance to her brother or arranged-marriage husband."
Such tribal law councils are to be headed by predominantly male, unelected traditional leaders.
"The courtroom is no place for a woman," said Archy, "unless she's there to hand over her birthright or inheritance to her brother or arranged-marriage husband."
Local experts in African law, Thembteltha Holtroeth and Nutten Bhathatrooth, agree, saying that the old ways are "much quicker, much better."
"It's a well-documented fact that terrible crimes like murder occur directly as a result of evil spirits, muti or lineage sorcery," said Holtroeth. "Currently, there are no courts in South Africa that utilise witch-finders and trusted sangomas to point out the real culprits behind sickening quadruple homicides and other such incidents."
Bhatatrooth nodded his agreement. "If you even mention the word 'tokoloshi' in your defence, you get laughed at and wrongfully sent to jail for the rest of your life, or six days with bail, whichever comes first."
The proposed new court would use witch-finders and summary executioners extensively. When asked what in-depth court proceedings the new system would utilise to fully ascertain a man's guilt, Holtroeth smiled with surety. "What we'll do is we'll first present the defendant's and prosecutor's arguments. Then, if the court-appointed sangoma touches the defendant with his witch-hunting stick, he'll get lightly clubbed to death on the head. It's a painless, quick, and simple judgement. No appeals, paperwork, tribunals and whatnot to confuse whether or not a man is truly innocent," he said.
He went on to add that the appeals process would be totally done away with.
"That's why it's called a judgement: because we're trusting the judgement of the man behind the desk. His word is final. We shouldn't be allowed to question it. And for all those who bring silly cases to court, like discrimination, we can just give them forced labour to make them not waste the court's precious time."
Zuma himself has agreed that this court system is the way to go. "I'll personally preside over these hearings, decked in my royal leopardskin. We no longer have to worry about people being wrongfully accused: if they can outrun the executioners and touch my feet, they're obviously not guilty," he said.
For petty crimes, such as theft and assault, the new system would rely on the tried-and-tested system of mob justice.
"Many criminals we have in here don't even need to be here," said Warden of Palsmoor prison, John Lock-Yuppie."Street justice just saves so much time and money."
Plans to affect whole country
The South African government has since voiced its unhesitating support of Zuma's call, saying that they plan to apply this to all sectors of South AFrican society.
"It's a well-documented fact that terrible crimes like murder occur directly as a result of evil spirits, muti or lineage sorcery," said Holtroeth. "Currently, there are no courts in South Africa that utilise witch-finders and trusted sangomas to point out the real culprits behind sickening quadruple homicides and other such incidents."
Bhatatrooth nodded his agreement. "If you even mention the word 'tokoloshi' in your defence, you get laughed at and wrongfully sent to jail for the rest of your life, or six days with bail, whichever comes first."
The proposed new court would use witch-finders and summary executioners extensively. When asked what in-depth court proceedings the new system would utilise to fully ascertain a man's guilt, Holtroeth smiled with surety. "What we'll do is we'll first present the defendant's and prosecutor's arguments. Then, if the court-appointed sangoma touches the defendant with his witch-hunting stick, he'll get lightly clubbed to death on the head. It's a painless, quick, and simple judgement. No appeals, paperwork, tribunals and whatnot to confuse whether or not a man is truly innocent," he said.
He went on to add that the appeals process would be totally done away with.
"That's why it's called a judgement: because we're trusting the judgement of the man behind the desk. His word is final. We shouldn't be allowed to question it. And for all those who bring silly cases to court, like discrimination, we can just give them forced labour to make them not waste the court's precious time."
Zuma himself has agreed that this court system is the way to go. "I'll personally preside over these hearings, decked in my royal leopardskin. We no longer have to worry about people being wrongfully accused: if they can outrun the executioners and touch my feet, they're obviously not guilty," he said.
For petty crimes, such as theft and assault, the new system would rely on the tried-and-tested system of mob justice.
"Many criminals we have in here don't even need to be here," said Warden of Palsmoor prison, John Lock-Yuppie."Street justice just saves so much time and money."
Plans to affect whole country
The South African government has since voiced its unhesitating support of Zuma's call, saying that they plan to apply this to all sectors of South AFrican society.
"We like the president's idea," said MEC for Home Affairs, Gohan Fullritard, "but we think he's being a little bit too reserved and hesitant. There's so much more we could do."
The government first plans to revise the current South African Military and Defense Forces.
"For a long time now, we've been unhappy with using European assault rifles, tanks, grenades, jet fighters and armoured carriers to fight our battles," said Defense Minister Themba Shakespeare. "Since the president gave his address, we have put down our AR-15s and kevlar, picked up our iXhwa, cowhide shields and isaGilla, and have been working tirelessly to perfect the latest in cow-horn formation tactics. We've already sent out tenders for powerful muti to block bullets and make us invisible to our enemies. Our enemies will never even know what hit them," he said.
"For a long time now, we've been unhappy with using European assault rifles, tanks, grenades, jet fighters and armoured carriers to fight our battles," said Defense Minister Themba Shakespeare. "Since the president gave his address, we have put down our AR-15s and kevlar, picked up our iXhwa, cowhide shields and isaGilla, and have been working tirelessly to perfect the latest in cow-horn formation tactics. We've already sent out tenders for powerful muti to block bullets and make us invisible to our enemies. Our enemies will never even know what hit them," he said.
He has, however, also expressed concern. "I just hope Zuma's mother doesn't die. I'd hate to have to execute 7000 of my men. However, we've already taken acting courses to make sure that our grief looks sufficient. We should be fine." he said.
The overhaul of South Africa is set to sweep many more sectors too, such as the health sector, with MEC for Health, Jacob Steele-Fondse, saying that they would eradicate wasteful and expensive healthcare equipment in favour of more locally-valid ones.
"These so-called EKGs and MRIs and science-fictitional Hex-rays are a flippen waste of okes' time and money. One machine scans cats, vir vok's sakes," he said.
The plans have also included the media, with an immediate shutdown of imperialist-inspired televisions and radios.
"I've never trusted television," said MEC for Technology and Communication, Bheki Wards. "I mean, it took the Nation Party until '76 to get it. If they didn't trust it, it must have been bad. Beside, with these new measures, we'll never again have to bail out the SABC or worry about pesky newspapers or this newfangled internets thing. I think people won't even miss twitting on the vleisbook," she said.
"These so-called EKGs and MRIs and science-fictitional Hex-rays are a flippen waste of okes' time and money. One machine scans cats, vir vok's sakes," he said.
The plans have also included the media, with an immediate shutdown of imperialist-inspired televisions and radios.
"I've never trusted television," said MEC for Technology and Communication, Bheki Wards. "I mean, it took the Nation Party until '76 to get it. If they didn't trust it, it must have been bad. Beside, with these new measures, we'll never again have to bail out the SABC or worry about pesky newspapers or this newfangled internets thing. I think people won't even miss twitting on the vleisbook," she said.
Wards also has plans to rebuild cities across South Africa.
"I think Cape Town and Joburg will look so much better as hand-built, mud-blocks-and-wood roundavels," he said. "They're eco-friendly, too."
"I think Cape Town and Joburg will look so much better as hand-built, mud-blocks-and-wood roundavels," he said. "They're eco-friendly, too."
Debate and worries arise
However, much debate has arisen, for example how the law will distinguish between those who are governed by customary law, and those who fall under European law - a concern that the government has sought to address.
"We can maybe make two justice systems," said MEC for Social Development Nunin Ayteenyirz. "One where all the African laws are upheld, and another where all the European laws reign. Maybe we'll even introduce some kind of a pass book so that police will know in what manner to treat each citizen. Wait, why does this sound so familiar?..." he said.
Many more have voiced distress at the plans, including bankers, accountants, lawyers, doctors, policemen, professors, teachers, Ministers, and (obviously) those pesky anti-democratic, imperialist-agenda-following national newspapers.
"Technically speaking, all of our jobs are imperialist-born. I'm not sure Zuma has though this through I mean, Shaka wasn't a President, and democracy is a Greek idea. Even Zuma'll be jobless," said local dentist Timothy Flossmoore.
In an editorial released on Friday by the Daily Week, editor Thomas Riter said, "blah blah blah, Zuma, ANC, corruption, blah blah blah. Ban us all, please."
Citizens, too, have raised concerns.
"There is no way this will work," said South African Twitter user @TendaiMzukusi. "No more Generations? Haibo... #RIOT".
Meanwhile, Nelson Mandela has lent his voice to the proceedings, calling Zuma's speech "kind of awkward".
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that the justice system depends on our Constitution You know, that kind of important document I signed in 1994? Awks, Jacob," he said before donating millions to a charity aimed at helping orphans.
And in a statement released this morning, even Zuma's lawyers have aired some worries. "The so-called 'White Man's way' includes things like, oh, i don't know, acquittals in rape trials, corruption trials, and international Arms Deal scandals. If those no longer count for anything, there's a chance that this might backfire."
In an editorial released on Friday by the Daily Week, editor Thomas Riter said, "blah blah blah, Zuma, ANC, corruption, blah blah blah. Ban us all, please."
Citizens, too, have raised concerns.
"There is no way this will work," said South African Twitter user @TendaiMzukusi. "No more Generations? Haibo... #RIOT".
Meanwhile, Nelson Mandela has lent his voice to the proceedings, calling Zuma's speech "kind of awkward".
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that the justice system depends on our Constitution You know, that kind of important document I signed in 1994? Awks, Jacob," he said before donating millions to a charity aimed at helping orphans.
And in a statement released this morning, even Zuma's lawyers have aired some worries. "The so-called 'White Man's way' includes things like, oh, i don't know, acquittals in rape trials, corruption trials, and international Arms Deal scandals. If those no longer count for anything, there's a chance that this might backfire."
*------*
(Scary fact: the first three paragraphs are real RSA news)
For more information on why I'm so against this, read: http://uncut.indexoncensorship.org/2012/10/south-africa-anc-rewarms-apartheid-era-court-bill-that-will-silence-women/
and
http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/christivanderwesthuizen/2012/03/08/traditional-courts-bill-colonialism-warmed-up/
and
http://www.lrg.uct.ac.za/usr/lrg/docs/TCB/2012/ARD_factsheet_final.pdf
and
http://www.thoughtleader.co.za/christivanderwesthuizen/2012/03/08/traditional-courts-bill-colonialism-warmed-up/
and
http://www.lrg.uct.ac.za/usr/lrg/docs/TCB/2012/ARD_factsheet_final.pdf
this is funny, and it deals with relevent and important points concerning the traditional judical system. you are brave matt! however please also consider the implications this has on people's (mostly black people) idea of decolonisation. goin back to "these ways" (which does not mean degression) is important to the healing process of many black africans who were abruptly and painfully disconnected from their cultural approach to issues by colonial expension. also, i think that you should not have such a (rather) negative outlook on the traditional courts. because your view makes it seem as though they are ineffective because black people are just traditionally sexist, homophobic, partiarchal, goat slaughtering, conflict prone dumbos (haha i exagerate). i have a different idea, and my father tells me of a time where afican people knew that those things did not count above justice. so you have a rather "african ways are anti-tranformation" view of things. :) i have faith in the black mans mind!!! your piece is not racist, its just kinda looks at "the african way" in a negative light. what do you know about that :D <3
ReplyDeleteThank you for your well-considered answer. This post has attracted a lot of criticism, some positive, some negative (in my university sphere). It has a lot of people talking, which, I suppose, is very important. It's imperative that we discuss these issues as citizens in South Africa.
DeleteYou're right. It's tongue-in-cheekness is rooted in a fair amount of cynicism and negativity. Yes, labeling something as "culture" shouldn't make it unassailable to criticism or comment, but in the same respect a certain amount of dignity must be afforded to such cultural practices. I just found it troubling that the president himself can perpetuate 'otherness' by making a distinction between so-called "white man's ways" and "african ways."
But in future, I'll perhaps try to be a bit more sensitive in these issues.
When publishing this, I actually had a long discussion with a friend about it. She told me that, while it wasn't racist, it could rile up a lot of people. So yeah: bravery ;)
I actually didn't think it would causes such a wave. But discussion, like I said, is good.
Thank you again.
with love :)
ReplyDeleteI am not a philosophy student that can present logical arguments on the matter, but I am someone who has opinions and in this case feelings. The article is very well written, I agree, I do however take issue with the actual content. While you may not have meant to come across as derogatory etc, that’s just how it came across. I feel offended and insulted, and this is coming from someone who is a Christian and doesn’t really practice any “Traditional African” customs etc. I don’t believe in Sangoma’s and Inyanga’s for instance, but It Just feels Wrong. I think that Africans are still trying to recover from the mentality in which they themselves believe that they are less than their brothers of Caucasian descent and this piece, while beautifully written, has an underlying tone that sounds like what you really would like to say is that traditional African systems are backwards and have no place in modern society. Perhaps that is the issue here, the fact that we as a people (Irrespective of race) have associated everything that is western culture with “forward thinking, revolutionary and Modern.” This is a point where I find myself between a rock and a hard place. I do agree with this, Western culture is more advanced in many ways, but where it has failed I have seen how Traditional African Culture would have succeeded. Traditional African culture was never given the opportunity to progress as the practice of the culture was limited by laws and a constant propaganda to show it off as incorrect, stupid and backward (Something that those who have inherited the culture still struggle with). What am I saying? I feel like im running around and not making sense, but basically, I agree that Traditional African Culture and Customs are flawed, but if people are willing to seek to better “modern” culture, why can they not do the same (The fact that I have to continuously refer to it as Traditional irritates me) for Traditional African Culture? Why can your piece not rather be about the flaws in the system and perhaps even the better bits of it (Suggestions on improvements even)? Satire can encourage thought, but in this case uses a seemingly inherent condescending view of another culture from the perspective of "modern" culture to discuss an issue that is not directly related to the issue at hand (Which I would expect would be Jacob Zuma’s division of white versus black rather than the cultural issues). The implications of such a condescending tone can be demoralising to people. Some issues are extremely sensitive to people and this is one of those and is it not funny how we never feel the need to write satirical pieces about so many parts of western culture that need to be dealt with as well and that we have just accepted as normal and part of the human condition. I don’t seek to argue or fight with you, but I do find this piece troubling as well written as it is.
ReplyDeleteCommerce student who just wants to add his 2c
I never meant to be condescending, or troubling, for that matter, but alas, many have reacted in different ways. While I do agree that the tone may have (unintentionally) come across as culturally insensitive, I don't feel that labeling something as "culture" makes it unassailable to criticism. Sensitivity or no, people must realise that the weight of actions such as those that inspired this post (namely, President Zuma himself's differentiation between "white ways" and "african ways" are far, far more meaningful and dangerous than one would at first think. The constitution isn't based on "white man's way", and nor is the judicial system. Alas, I failed to stress this in the article as heavily as I at first wanted to. I can put it down to my own underemphasis on what I wanted to say that my point was lost...
Delete