You may not know this, but there are literally over ten reasons why your battery just doesn’t seem to last as long as it used to. Well, those days could be in the past – if you just follow our eleven easy steps!
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Data
Turning off data is a great way to save on precious battery life. You might not know this, but every time your phone sends a little nuggets of data into the internet cloud in the air around you, it uses up battery. Go into your settings and turn off wifi, mobile data, your personal hotspot and your Bluetooth. For good measure, disable your network carrier as well, and maybe even rip out the antenna circuitry. Every time your phone rings, it’s using up valuable electricity pieces from your already taxed battery. -
Messages
Believe it or not, but messaging friends, family and loved ones can use up valuable battery life. For every time you tell someone that you love them or miss them, or just fire off a quick text to tell your parents how your day was, these are seconds of battery going literally down the drain. Cut out this wasteful activity to conserve that valuable percentage. -
Phone calls
When you make a call, your phone takes small pieces of electricity stacked in tiny microscopic piles in your battery and turns it into sound and shoots it through the air with your antenna. This is almost the same as taking a short length of wire and shorting out the two terminals of your battery. I mean, just imagine how much electricity it must take to shoot a soundwave strong enough and accurate enough that it lands in the right phone halfway across the world? Lots and lots, you can guess. Maybe even as much as a thousand. -
Photos, videos and sound recordings
When you use your camera or microphone to convert sound energy into harddrive energy to be saved on your phone for later, it actually uses electricity. Yes! It’s true! And worse still, when you reconvert the harddisk megabyte energy back into sound and lights, science laws say that it uses the same amount of energy again. So next time you’re thinking of taking a picture of you and your girlfriend’s day at the beach, just think of how much battery you’ll save by just using the cheeseburger you had for lunch to convert these things into memory energy to be stored in the brain and heart. -
Being on
Thousands of scientific studies have proven time and time again that when your iPhone is switched on, whether it be during the day or late at night, at work or at home, even if its locked or in Flight Mode, it uses up a major portion of your battery. In fact, even with the measures above, this little horrible function of the iPhone means it will ALWAYS run out of batter no matter what. Turn it off, and you’ll be like a housewife leaving her abusive alcoholic husband: you’ll save yourself months of battery. -
Applications
Apps use data and battery energy whether you’re using them or you’re not. But it doesn’t have to be like this: just double-tap the home button to see your open apps, and then slide them up to quit them and free up some battery life. Then uninstall the apps to prevent future battery life usage. -
Day Light Savings
This one is a no-brainer! Science has proven that turning your clocks forward ahead during the winter months can improve battery life for up to an hour. *note, using this tip may simultaneously decrease battery life for up to an hour -
Having only one iPhone
With the well-padded bank account belonging to you or your parents that you normally use to buy Apple products, why not double you battery life by simply purchasing another iPhone? Lucky for you, Apple’s incredible Cloud services allow instant updates and sharing of videos, photos, contacts and all your data between devices, meaning that it will be like you never even swapped phones! Repeat this trick for infinite battery! -
Numerical literacy
Reading and writing is a curse. But if you can’t read numbers, 31% might as well by 150%. This tried-and-tested technique has the added bonus that, since you cannot physically mark or comprehend the passage of time in standardised units, it will seem as if hours or even days have gone by between plugging in your device. How cool is that?! -
Not having a Doctorate in Advanced Quantum mechanics that allows you to manipulate exotic matter states to invent an infinite-capacity battery
Having an expensive degree and over 37 years of experience with the erratic and unpredictable behaviour of subatomic particles, which allows you to invent a super battery that accumulates and retains an infinite charge, potentially holding all the energy in the universe like a small, plastic rectangular blackhole of electricity, is something you might want to look into getting if you really want to stretch that white bar as far as it will go. -
iPhones not being Samsungs
One of the most crucial battery-stealing hassles of the modern iPhone is that they aren’t manufactured by the South Korean multinational conglomerate company headquartered in Samsung Town, Seoul. But if you just slap an Apple sticker on the back like you did with your car and guitar to make sure everyone knows you're an Apple Customer, no one will even have time to notice the difference because they’ll be too busy wallowing in their crippling jealousy that your phone can run forever without ever needing recharging until the end of time or until the universe stretches too far out, causes a net distribution of energy across the entirety of known existence and kills everyone and everything we’ve ever loved in a colossal, frozen and lifeless void of final entropy.
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