The South African National Congressional Peoples' Party Movement Party for the Furtherance of People's Power Association of South Africa... Party, said today that Brett Murray's infamous painting entitled "The Spear" was a "misleading" representation of our president, and an affront to his dignity.
In a press conference this morning, Jones Sensor Shipindwe, president of the SANCPPMPoFPPASAP, told gathered journalists that the painting was no true indickation, sorry, indication of Zuma.
"Just look at that silly picture. There's no way it's that small. If you're going to be racist and stereotypical, at least follow the normal stereotypes," he said, sipping a crystal tumbler of Chivas Regal. "As a president with so many wives and children, it offends me for someone to think that someone that small could get so many wives."
When asked whether it might be the government kickbacks, spending allowance, pension, medical and schooling benefits, transport allowances, free trips to Morroco and rare Siberian White Tiger pet allowances that were the main reason for so much love-interest, he scoffed.
"You racists, you think that just because a man is in government he has so much money," he said, wiping cocaine and truffle stains off his Georgi Armani custom-tailored suit with a gold-and-diamond-fringed rare albino pandaskin handkerchief. "We are rooted in the power of the masses, and we serve their interests loyally." He could not make further comment, as his personal chauffeur came in telling him that his gold-plated limousine was waiting to take him to the airport, where a private G7 jet would take him to a "people's empowerment conference" in the Bahamas.
Meanwhile, professors of Manhood and Sexual studies have debunked Shipindwe's claims with empirical evidence. "It's very easy for someone to think that such a powerful figure would pack more meat, but studies suggest that the usual, fully-dressed, no-junk-hanging-out bulge we see, is in fact his wallet packed with our taxpayers' hard-earned dollars," said Richard Hungli Keamouse, Dean of the Sex Studies school at Boston College. "Historical evidence has shown that big pricks usually tend to come with small ones."
Since the painting's release, there has been a massive outcry and debate about it.
"How can I focus on issues like rape, theft, corruption, embezzlement, xenophobia and gay-hate when that painting is still hanging up?" said Thomas Apatheticos.
Others still have questioned the arrest and treatment of the two men charged with defacing the painting.
"Why did they only beat the black guy? Police brutality should affect us all equally!" said James Msimba. Many more still have spear-headed, I mean "lead" a campaign to ban the painting. "We will not go back to our crime-ridden and poverty-stricken towns until this horrible image is removed!" said Tim Johnson.Meanwhile, the painting has spawned millions of copies and tongue-in-cheek copies, one of which shows Nelson Mandela laughing whilst inferring with a small pinch of the fingers that the member on display is, in fact puny.
Mandela could not be reached for comment, because, even at his age, he was too busy heading several massive charities that deal with the real problems in South Africa, like HIV and the thousands of orphans.
